Although they’ve been the privileged sex throughout the vast majority of history, there is a lot of social pressure on men to be “manly” and “masculine” enough in the eyes of their partner and their friend group. For lots of men, one of the biggest ways to measure male performance is to see how well they perform in the bedroom. After all, if they can’t please their partner, how can they be a “real man”?
Today I’m going to be talking about performance anxiety – the “stage fright” and nervousness that many men feel when they’re having sex (or about to have sex). For some men, this will be related to erectile dysfunction problems or mental health issues, but it’s not always so simple.
What is performance anxiety?
Performance anxiety, in this context, refers to sexual anxiety that some men experience before or during sex with a partner. Asides from general tension and nervousness, many men with performance anxiety find that they don’t know how to get erect and stay erect throughout the session.
Sexual performance anxiety can stem from many issues, such as:
-General anxiety disorder (GAD)
-Poor body image
-Insecurity about penis size
-Fears about ejaculating too soon or taking too long
-Worries about not satisfying the other person
Not properly addressing the issues causing your sexual performance anxiety can lead to the vicious circle effect associated with regular day-to-day anxiety. Whether it’s erectile dysfunction or body image issues, it’s important to try and figure out the root cause of your sex anxiety so that you can take actionable steps to reduce the fear.
How to get rid of mental ED by relaxing more during sex
Although there is no magic bullet cure for performance anxiety in the bedroom, there are many potential ways to help you relax during sex and have a good time. Here are some things to try:
1. Try to be less goal oriented
The male psyche tends to be more goal-oriented than its female counterpart, which often turns sex into a mission where orgasming is the goal that’s being reached. This puts a lot of stress and pressure on meeting this goal, making the whole experience less enjoyable. Instead, try to enjoy the ride (literally!) and focus on the journey of sex rather than the destination.
2. Deep breaths and meditation
It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but deep breaths and mindfulness meditation can help to calm an anxious mind, whether you’re worried about sexual performance or your latest workplace drama. Studies suggest that mindfulness meditation can ease mental stress and anxiety, so you may find this effective before sex and in your everyday life.
3. Look after yourself
Having a poor body image and failing to look after yourself is one of the easiest ways to develop a fear of sex. Eat well, exercise, dress nicely and groom yourself regularly. If you don’t feel healthy or attractive, you’re not going to feel confident about sex.
4. Identify your stress
If your sexual anxiety is a side effect of stress from your everyday life, try to identify the source of the stress and look for actionable steps you can take in order to reduce it.
Communicating with your partner is essential in all facets of a relationship, including sex. If you can’t get hard before sex or you’re becoming nervous about sex in general, talk to your partner about it and communicate your feelings. Talk about why you’re feeling this way if you can. If you’re not honest with your partner, it could lead to trouble and misunderstandings down the line.
6. Masturbate less
If you masturbate quite regularly, consider masturbating less often so that your sex drive remains higher when it comes to the real deal. If you masturbate less frequently, you’re more likely to be aroused before you have actual sex, so performance anxiety may be less of an issue. If you just jacked off 60 minutes before sex, chances are that you won’t perform well.
7. Try erectile dysfunction drugs
If your sexual stagefright is caused by impotence problems, maybe you should try to take erectile dysfunction medicine and see whether it’s right for you. There are cheap generic ED drugs like Bluechew which make erection pills easy and affordable, especially when compared to expensive brands like Viagra and Cialis.
How to turn on a man with erectile dysfunction
This section is for the women (or men) whose partners are suffering from erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety issues in the bedroom. Overcoming sexual performance anxiety mostly falls on the person with the anxiety, but there are some things that partners can do to help.
1. Be serious and understanding
Whatever you do, do NOT mock your partner’s anxiety and sexual health issues. If a man opens up about his nervousness or inability to stay hard and you make light of it or act like it’s unimportant, he’ll find it very hard to trust you with his intimate thoughts again. It’s important to be understanding of his insecurities and treat them with the respect they deserve. He might play it cool on the surface while deep inside he’s struggling with nerves and negative thoughts, so bear that in mind.
Communication goes both ways – it doesn’t all necessarily fall on him. Make sure that you maintain an open line of communication regarding your sex life, especially if you think that he’s having problems with erectile dysfunction or sexual anxiety. Perhaps talk about the positive aspects of your sex and what you find attractive about him, helping to build his confidence back up.
3. Advise him (subtly)
If you’re finding it hard to get pleasure from your sex but you know of quick-fix solutions that would help to make everything better, consider advising him on how to make you climax more effectively. If you’d prefer to be more subtle, you could simply show him during the heat of the moment and hope that he takes note. For instance, if you’re a woman who likes to use a vibrator on her clitoris during sex to help her get off, consider telling him or simply slipping your toy down there in the moment.
Best ED Medication for Performance Anxiety
If you have erectile dysfunction or your sexual performance anxiety is making it hard to get erect and stay erect throughout intercourse, then ED medication may be the answer. Erectile dysfunction pills can help you to get hard fast, but they should not be used as a treatment for anxiety in general.
If you think that your male performance anxiety stems from deep-rooted issues and personal problems, then you should speak to a therapist who can help you. The best ED drugs might camouflage the symptoms of anxiety in a sexual context, but underlying issues need to be addressed, brought to light, and dealt with before they snowball into bigger problems.
With all that said, here are some of the most common drugs for achieving erections on demand:
Viagra is a brand-name drug whose active ingredient is sildenafil. Viagra works within 30-60 minutes of consumption, so it’s best to take it around an hour before you plan on having sex. The effects of Viagra usually last for 2-3 hours but can last as long as 5 hours for some men, especially men who are 65 or older. Viagra costs between $60 and $75 per pill on average, so it’s not the best ED medication if you’re on a budget.
Cialis is a brand-name drug whose active ingredient is tadalafil. Cialis works around 2 hours after consumption and its effects can last for up to 36 hours. Essentially, Cialis makes it easier for you to get and maintain an erection when you’re sexually aroused, instead of just “forcing” one. If you find that you experience sexual anxiety despite being aroused, Cialis or similar drugs could help. Cialis costs around $9 to $12 per pill on average, so it’s more affordable but it’s not the “get hard fast” quick-fix solution that some men are looking for.
Bluechew is a company creating low-cost generic ED drugs which are chewable, making it easy for people with swallowing difficulties or busy lives to take erection pills on the go. Bluechew create both sildenafil and tadalafil chewable pills, so you can take much cheaper versions of Viagra and Cialis in chewable form with all the same effects. In fact, because they’re chewable, Bluechew pills can actually be absorbed by your body faster than regular ED pills, with the Sildenafil version sometimes working as fast as 15 minutes. Most Bluechew pills cost around $2-$3 each.
All in all, if you’re looking for ED medication which is cheap, fast-acting, and just as effective as the big-name brands, Bluechew products are the way to go. They come via a monthly subscription service, so you don’t even need to leave the house to buy them.
Sex anxiety is a common problem for many men and women, so you’re certainly not alone. There could be multiple solutions to your problem, including lifestyle changes, therapy, relationship counseling, communication, and erectile dysfunction drugs. I sincerely hope that you find the solution you’re looking for and get your love life back on track!